


Not Meant to Be

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Child Loss, F/M, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 22:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17455544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	Not Meant to Be

* * *

Walking into the motel room that he shared with you, John kicked the door shut and shuffled over to the bed. He could hear the shower running and smiled softly to himself. You weren’t a hunter, but you traveled with him just the same. You kept him sane, and gave him something to fight to come back to. Leaving you to grieve wasn’t on his to-do list.

After a few minutes, he heard the shower shut off and watched the door. He didn’t have to wait long for you to emerge, towel wrapped around your smooth body. “I didn’t hear you come in.” You smiled softly. “Roll on your back.” You chuckled as he made it seem like such a chore. Once he had, however, you began to unlace his boots for him, setting them off to the side. “Rough hunt, Johnny?” You asked him, peeling off his socks once his boots were off.

“Kinda, doll.” He sighed. “Just got me using muscles that feel like they haven’t been used in years.” John smiled as you worked on getting his pants off him.

Tossing them over the chair, you stood up. “Go take a hot shower, then I’ll rub your back for you.” You told him.

He reluctantly got up, only doing so because you offered a back rub. You worked magic with your hands, and at his age, it was a blessing. Despite only being in his forties, he felt like he was much, much older. Hunting did that to a body. “You’re too good to me, baby girl.” He smiled, pecking your lips before moving towards the bathroom.

* * *

Your hair was brushed out, and you were sitting on the bed in one of his shirts when he came out. Your legs were stretched out in front of you, crossed at the ankles, and you were reading. Looking up, you smiled at him and put the book down. “So…I have something to tell you…”

“Yeah, what’s that?” He asked, smirking as he dried his hair with a towel.

Biting your lip, your cheeks turned pink. “I’m pregnant.” John was floored. Literally. He fainted to the floor with a ‘thud’. “John?!” You panicked, scrambling off the bed to his side. “Johnny?” You lifted his head into your lap.

His dark eyes blinked open and he looked up at you. “I’m sorry, doll.” He said somewhat sheepishly, making you chuckle lightly.

“Are you upset?” You asked, tearing up. He never mentioned wanting more kids, so you were terrified that he wouldn’t want this baby.

John gave you a warm smile. “I’ll admit I was a bit…taken aback…by hearing that.” He chuckled, shrugging. “But, I’m excited. Worried, but excited.”

You sniffed. “Really?” Your voice was quiet.

“Scouts honor.” He smirked, making you roll your eyes. “Yeah, I know…not even close to a scout…” John slowly sat up, rolling his shoulders. Shifting to face you, he cupped your cheek. “Looks like I’m gonna be a daddy. Again.” He smiled before kissing you gently.

* * *

Dean was like a wind up toy as he paced the motel room. “Is it time to go yet?” He asked, looking like a big kid himself.

Chuckling, you shook your head. “No, Dean.” You smiled lovingly. “Soon.” Both Sam and Dean had been surprised when they’d been told they were going to have a younger sibling. It didn’t take long for them to get excited, however. They had both come for your gender scan, and he was getting antsy. Sam was off getting lunch, and John was in the shower. “We’ve waited five months, a few more hours won’t kill you.” You teased. 

He flopped onto the end of the bed you were sitting on. “I hope you have a girl.” He said, facing you. You chuckled as his face was smooshed against the bed. “Winchester men have bad luck.” He added.

“At least you have good genetics?” You tried to comfort him.

Dean shrugged slightly. “I guess.” He agreed. “Think I can nap until we leave?”

You shook your head. “You’re too wired for a nap, Dean.” You chuckled. “You would close your eyes and minutes later I’d hear you grumbling about not being able to sleep.”

John walked out, chuckling. “Never thought my boys would be so damn excited to have a sibling.” He grinned. “Then again, never thought I’d be doing this all over.” He shrugged.

* * *

Your fingers were laced with John’s as you drove back to the motel. Sam and Dean were behind you in the Impala, the four of you still over the moon about you having a little girl. Dean whooped at that, making you look at him like he was insane. “What’s on your mind, doll?” John’s voice snapped you from your thoughts.

Looking over at him, you smiled. “About what you’ll be like in a couple years with our little girl.” You said gently, and lovingly. “Big bad Johnny gushing over her.”

He laughed at that, lifting your hand to kiss the back of it. “My girls.” He grinned. “I hope she has your eyes.” John mused, the sound of his voice soothing you. “Guess we should start brainstorming names, huh?”

“I guess so.” You nodded. The pair of you had been putting it off, not wanting to get attached to a name, just to find out you were having the opposite gender.

* * *

Pacing your hospital room, you whimpered lightly. “Ow.” You moaned, your hands on your lower back. “This sucks so bad.” You breathed, trying to work through the contractions.

“It’ll all be worth it, baby girl.” John told you. “Once she’s in your arms. I can’t wait to see you hold her.” He got up from his chair and came over to you. “Want me to rub your back?” He offered. When you nodded, he motioned to the hospital bed. “Let’s get you comfortable.”

“Thanks.” You sighed, moving towards it slowly. “Did you call the boys?” You asked once you were comfortable.

John started rubbing circles on your lower back with his thumbs. “Yeah, I did.” He told you. “They’re finishing up the case their on, and then they’ll be here.” He assured you.

Gripping the side of the bed through another contraction, you snapped your eyes shut and nodded. You were thankful for the Winchester men, and they’re support.

* * *

“And push.” The doctor told you. John was behind you, letting you rest on him when you could. You were gripping his hands, bearing down when told, not even realizing how hard your grip became. “I see the head! She’s got a lot of hair.”

“Hear that, sweetheart?” John smiled, kissing your hair softly.

It seemed like just seconds passed and you were told to push again. And again. However, you never heard her tiny cries. Your heart was pounding in your chest. Partially from fear, and partially from the exertion of giving birth. Sweat caused your hair to stick to your forehead, and you began to panic.

The nurses and doctors rushed around, communicating with each other, but you had no idea what was going on. Until one of the nurses made her way towards you, a pained look on her face. In her arms was a pink bundle. “I’m so sorry.” She said gently, placing your stillborn daughter in your arms. “She was born with no heartbeat.” She added.

It took you a minute to process that, your heart breaking. Shaking your head, you sobbed. “N-no!” You hiccuped. “She can’t be…” You looked down at her tiny face, reality crashing down around you.


End file.
